Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational.
We weren’t supposed to be here. You made us believe. You kept us off the street. You put clothes on our backs. Food on the table. When you didn’t eat, you made sure we ate. You went to sleep hungry. You sacrificed for us. You’re the real M.V.P.
Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise. The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love, or first think of some foreign country, or first take up some subject that excites us, are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning, can really satisfy. I am not now speaking of what would be ordinarily called unsuccessful marriages, or holidays, or learned careers. I am speaking of the best possible ones. There was something we grasped at, in that first moment of longing, which just fades away in the reality.
… Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same.
For the past 48 hours, I have been slowly experiencing my body being furious at me.
Missed 2 midterms and I am still trying recuperate from what seems to be a severe case of the stomach flu… First, I expected it to be food poisoning from the constant gagging. However… I clearly know you don’t get severe fevers and unbearable momsal with food poisoning. I literally cannot move at times during the day because it hurts to even sit up.
I have never missed a midterm out of all 4 years of college. Oh the terror of emailing my professors to clearly state that it’s not a mere excuse…
The last quarter of my undergrad career. What is happening. Things have been chaotic but what is going on….
But I do have a new heart for gatorade… and Moltrin. They are my best friends for the time being.